Dynamite's Diary - 15th February 2022

Yesterday was...emotional, shall we say? I was preparing to go out for the date that Steve had invited me to. I knew exactly where we'd be meeting up and I had my Valentine's Day gift ready for him, but I was still stuck on what to wear. I wanted to look fancy, though not too OTT, but most of the dresses I have look pretty cheap and the pizza restaurant we were going to is pretty flash. I was also stuck on whether I should be wearing makeup. I always feel awkward about wearing it in case I end up looking like a clown, but a subtle look might be my sort of thing. Maybe just lipstick and eye shadow would do?

As I was going through my makeup bag, Dad happened to walk in. And as expected, he just started snarking on about the whole thing again. It's already bad enough that he bitches on about it normally, but now he was doing it while I was trying to get ready.

"Yep, as I guessed. You're tryin' to make yourself over for a boy. And for that Steve, of all people." He said his name as if he was some sort of toxic waste. 

At that moment, I just exploded.

"Look, just because YOU don't like him, doesn't mean you have to bitch at ME about it and try and make ME not like him! Seriously Dad!"

If I'd properly comprehended why Dad look stunned when I said all that, I would have stopped myself. But I just continued.

"Hey, you and Mom split up. I get it. You're super pissed off at her too. Doesn't mean that Steve and I are going to be end up with exactly the same outcome as you did! You just keep projecting your problems onto me and expect me to have them to, but you're talking bullshit!"

Dad went super silent for a bit and then turned away. Then he just started sniffling. It was so weird and actually pretty scary. Normally when Dad cries, he goes all out. Or at least you can hear him sobbing. But now he was all quiet and not saying anything. He was even crouched down on the floor.

"Dad? Dad! I'm really sorry if I-"

"No no, it's fine," he said in this really tiny voice. "I just - I just have something in my eye, that's all."

It wasn't fine at all. Dad never uses that trick for all I know. Whenever he cries, he never hides it. He wants everyone to know.

So I thought it would be best to find out what the problem was. He wasn't willing to tell me at first. When I tried to check on him, he just said "Look, don't worry. Forget it. You've got your date to go to. Don't let me stop you or anything." In the same small voice.

"No Dad, clearly everything's not okay. Look, I'm really sorry about that stuff I said about you and Mom. It's just, I got pissed off and then-" I was stumped on how to finish that sentence.

Dad finally stopped looking away from me. He looked an outright mess with all those tears on his face, looking up at me like some silent depressed puppy. He was about to say something, but then stopped, took a deep breathe and then began to speak whilst wiping his face.

Turns out Mom's not the only one who dumped him. He's had plenty of exes that he's never told me about. Most of which he'd married. I heard that Grandma went through several ex-husbands, but I'd just assumed that she was the only relative that happened with.

I wouldn't say ALL of them sounded bad, but there were some who were worst than others. Some of which who had said some pretty awful things to Dad while he was with them and essentially treated him like garbage. One of them had even called him a "disgusting tramp" a couple of times. No wonder he reacted the way he did when Kinsey called him that.

"B-but did any them hit you?" I almost spluttered out.

Dad shook his head for that one. "No. They wouldn't have been able. I wouldn't have let 'em do that." He paused, and then had this weird fake smirk on his face. "Though maybe if I had, maybe it couldn't have been that bad...if anything, it might have been better."

That was probably the most disgusting thing I've heard in my life, and something I never want to hear come out of anyone's mouth again.

"I mean, I guess it's harder to karate chop insults compared to limbs," I said. I guess I was trying to stop myself from puking and lighten the mood with that comment. This Dad nodded at, but he didn't laugh. Neither did I. I wasn't in the mood anyway.

"But the thing is," Dad continued. "I didn't think they would head that way. I thought some of 'em seemed cool enough. I thought we're have one of those fairytale endings together. Every single time. Sure, maybe I fucked things up myself, but it still doesn't change the fact it hurt. And Mama pretty much had the same problem too. It's just...I don't want to same to happen to you, okay?"

I tried to find a way to diffuse the situation.

"Look, if anyone tried to treat me all funny, I wouldn't let them get away with it. I'd fight back and ditch them immediately. I'd knee them in the groin or something like that."

"You know, that's kinda like what I told myself." He let out this weird chuckle before letting out another sob. "Oh, if only it had been that easy."

I just felt super awful for Dad's sake. So I gave him a hug. He really needed it.

"You know, I don't think you should let it get to you that much. Okay, I know that sounds awkward, but hear me out. They sound like assholes, and you're not with them anymore. They shouldn't be ruining your life simply by remaining on your mind."

Dad let out a muffled "Hm?" at this. He'd been sniffling quite a bit into my shirt and it felt really damp as a result.

"I mean, didn't Grandma say that you can't worry about what you hope for, otherwise you miss the way things turn out? 'Cause, y'know, you've got her and Wiz and Marshall. Oh, and you can't forget me either, since I'm your daughter and all that. And-" I felt I was just bumbling my way through my comments at this point. "We're here to help you if you need it."

Dad looked up and actually smiled then, and it wasn't one of the fake ones he was doing earlier. "Aww sweetie, look at you being the sentimental pep-talker." And then he gave him another one of his tight bear hugs that crushes yet another rib of mine each day.

I helped him up off the floor, and then saw the clock. 6:15pm! That was 15 minutes later than the time I'd arranged to meet Steve at! I almost panicked a bit, but had to get a hold on myself.

"Well, I guess I'd better get going now," I said before I headed out the door. "Can't be late for pizza!"

"Yeah, sure, you head off for that date of yours," Dad replied, now not sounding as peeved about the date as he did beforehand. He gave me a little kiss on the head too. "Just...remember to come back by 10pm, 'kay?"

So that was why I arrived five minutes late to the pizza restaurant that Steve was waiting at whilst still in my casual attire and with a major wet patch on my front. He was pretty chill about the whole thing, though I didn't tell him EXACTLY what had happened. I simply said that I'd had a last-minute family emergency and left it at that.

Anyway, the date ultimately went pretty well. Okay, maybe there was that issue with some horrible restaurant crashers who came in around 7:30pm and tried wrecking the place. It's this local gang from the nearby private school who always come to these places and break out into fights, and then they pay the restaurant money as some sort of lame "apology". Why the police won't sort them out, I have no idea.

But I was able to sort them out. All those years of martial arts training never fail to pay off. Sure, some of them were pretty burly and one of them even choked me out against the floor, but one swift kick to the groin got him off me. I probably received a bruised face from being punched there so many times, but in the end I was standing triumphantly above those thugs whilst they lay crippled and moaning on the ground like the losers they were. Steve was somewhat shocked at it all, and he remained that way for the rest of date, but I bet he was simply in awe of my karate skills that night.

And then just as 0ne of them tried getting up, a familiar someone just stomped on them before heading in, followed by another familiar someone. It was like the beginning of Ice Age all over again, but on a smaller scale.

I couldn't believe it. Not only was Dad here in the same restaurant as us, but so was Grandma! It turns out that he really took my advice to heart as now he'd decided to share a singles night with his mother.

They didn't trash the place like those douchebags tried to do earlier, but they did get pretty loud after a few shots and just started laughing and singing and having these long and energetic conversations about how awesome the film they recently watched was (it wasn't that recent, they watched it back at Christmas). Occasionally one of them would yell "Singles night!" as loud as possible whilst raising a glass. Those poor young couples who just wanted a romantic night out. X)

And considering I got some of the pizza on myself at one point, it's just as well I stayed in my casual attire. Tear stains and cheese on it in one night. That pizza was SO good though. Yes, I know that I'm a heathen for choosing the pineapple one, but it still tastes awesome. As did the chocolate fudge sundae that came afterwards.

Steve was real sweet! He gave me two teddy bears as a Valentine Day's gift, and you KNOW I'm a sucker for those things. Even I have to admit it. Sure, they were the same colour, but I didn't see any problem with that. As for my Valentine's gift, Steve really liked the new basketball sneakers I got him with red and black flames on. I noticed his previous ones were getting kinda tatty, so I just wanted to help him out a bit. ^_^

My only regret is that we didn't get to have a steamy kiss between us both. Still waiting for that first kiss. I guess we weren't ready for it, but I really hope we get to have one this year.

Dad was there when I got home, and he was clearly feeling a bit better after that night out because he didn't seem put out about me coming back from a date with Steve like he normally is.

"Oh, hi Dynah," he said as I came in. He even smiled a bit.

He still seemed a little downbeat though - it was a somewhat sad smile he gave me. Maybe it was just because of that emotionally taxing moment earlier that evening, or because his single's night with Grandma was finished and he'd be going back to just having a lonely Valentine's Day as always.

So I decided to be extra nice to him on Valentine's Day by giving him one of the teddy bears. "Hey Dad, I got something for you here. Sure, it's from Steve and he gave it to me, but do I really need two copies? Besides, I thought you might like it yourself."

He absolutely LOVED it. Never mind the fact that it was from Steve. He actually started snuggling up to it and rubbing his face on it with this big smile on his face. And he was still snuggling up with it when he went to bed that night. It was so adorable and it certainly made for a good end to the day.

So hopefully Dad won't be going on about his problems with Steve to my face anymore. Sure, I guess it won't stop him from complaining about him behind my back, but hey, he's always been stubborn like that. The important thing is that we talked it out and now he won't be pressuring me about it.

As for today? Well, I'm still thinking about my dream bedroom. Nothing else. But Dad's pretty upbeat today, so that's what really matters. It's always great when he's like that. Things just aren't the same otherwise.