A Winter Wishday Carol – Chapter Four: A Private Moment

As he saw that harrowing scene fade into darkness before his eyes, a nauseous feeling came over Discord in the present. His limbs started to tremble and he felt himself on the verge of fainting as he nearly stumbled backwards, his hand pressed against his cheek.

Fluttershy realised what was going on, as she caught Discord and held him upright.

"It’s okay Dizzy, it’s over now," she reassured him.

Discord wasn’t soothed by this though. In fact, now he felt a new wave of emotion come over him – one of anger.

“What did I tell you?” he inquired furiously as he swiftly turned towards Fluttershy, tears prickling his eyes. “I said not to show me that last flashback, and what did you do? You went and showed it anyway! Everything was going so well before that!” An impulsive thought suddenly crossed his mind and he pointed an accusing finger at her. “You were trying to torture me, weren’t you?!”

“No, I would never do that,” Fluttershy responded with concern. “I just wanted you to acknowledge something. Is your disdain for Winter Wishday in the present only to do with how it differs from Hearth’s Warming…or is there another reason, as you just saw there?”

Those words stabbed through Discord’s heart like a blade. His rage increased.

“Wha-I mean- HOW DARE YOU!!!” he screamed at her, angry tears streaming down his cheeks. “How dare you read me like that! You’re supposed to be the Element of Kindness! How could you be so cruel?! I HATE YOU!!!”

He stopped after his last three words, his anger dissipating.

“Actually…no…I don’t. I don’t hate you at all,” he said nervously, glancing to the side and twiddling his fingers together.

Discord feared that Fluttershy would have taken his previous words seriously and become just as upset as he currently was. But instead, she gave him a sympathetic smile before throwing her arms around him, taking him in for an embrace that literally brought him to his knees.

“It’s okay, I know you don’t,” she soothingly whispered. “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

Any shreds of fury that remained within Discord completely melted away as sadness overwhelmed him completely. More tears spilt out of his closed eyes as he returned Fluttershy’s embrace and buried his face within her hair, sobbing uncontrollably in a childlike manner. Fluttershy stroked his hair in response, letting him weep as much as he wished until his sobs finally became less stormy. Eventually, those sobs faded out altogether and he was left simply rocking from side to side while still holding Fluttershy and still shedding tears.

“Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear,” Discord sighed as he took hold of his hair and absent-mindedly wiped his tears away on it. “Look at me. I used to be a proud king of chaos, and now here I am, crying like a filly lost in the supermarket.”

Fluttershy gently patted the top of his head. "It's okay, don't worry about it." She then took the same chunk of hair that Discord had wiped his tears with and twirled it round her hoof.

"Oh, my hair," Discord said, mustering a watery smile at the sight of Fluttershy caressing it. "You always said that other ponies talked a lot about how long and soft yours was. You didn't seem to be that bothered about it but I obviously felt it looked beautiful. I still get angry about that story you told me about the obnoxious fillies that claimed you used hair extensions."

More memories came back to Discord as he chattered on. "Do you remember how I used to love combing your hair for your and putting it up in all those fancy hairstyles? Of course, you always said your favourite one was the looped ponytail with the bluebell scrunchie, since that's the one you first wore on your wedding day. I gave you that scrunchie as a wedding gift. I thought it would mean more to you than an old-fashioned ring."

He continued to talk as Fluttershy sat behind him and stroked through his hair for him. "So when you passed on, I decided that I wanted to honour you any way I could. And one of the ways was growing my hair out to be like yours. Sure, I'm not quite able to grow mine to the point it touches the ground when I kneel like yours did, but I think I managed to get it the same length. And I think it looks pretty good in white. Better than my original hairstyle would have done."

"It's just like a winter blizzard," Fluttershy told him.

"Thank you," Discord replied. He felt himself start to get a bit emotional again. "And when I find myself particularly missing you, I sometimes stroke it until it feels like I'm combing your hair again. I don't feel so alone then."

Another teardrop trickled out of his eye as he said this. He then turned to Fluttershy.

"Fluttershy," he said, taking a deep breath. "I know you're showing me all this to get me to appreciate the Winter Wishday spirit. You already showed me the past, and then you'll show me the present and future. It'll be like that Hearth's Warming Carol story that Twilight Sparkle was obsessed with." He struggled to keep his composure slightly as he said this. "You know, the one about that grumpy unicorn Snowfall Frost. She hates Hearth’s Warming due to her sad past and so she tries to stop it from happening. Three ghosts make her change her mind. She ends up appreciating Hearth’s Warming. Everypony’s happy."

“I remember it well.”

“But I don’t think you understand,” he continued, his voice still frail and wobbling. “It isn’t the same with me. I’m not trying to stop them from celebrating. I’ve learnt my lesson from the time I tried to take away their magic. I’m just sad that I can’t celebrate it with you. I want to honour your memory, and it feels wrong to celebrate if you’re not here. I should be allowed to mourn you. Isn’t that what you would want from me?”

He realised that he sounded a bit whiny and self-entitled saying this, which made him feel some shame. Fluttershy didn’t seem to have any problem with it though.

“I know you’re upset,” she said as she took Discord in for another hug and he rested his head on her shoulder. “But there’s something you may not understand either. Of course you have the right to mourn me, I’m not going to stop you from doing that. But your grief and longing for the past has made you forget certain things. Like how ponies always had their own traditions back when Hearth’s Warming was still a thing - it isn’t just a thing that started when Winter Wishday arrived. And how happy you were every time the winter season arrived and how you were content to celebrate it with the others as well as myself.”

She rested a hoof on Discord’s cheek and lifted his head to meet her gaze, giving him a reassuring smile. “And that’s why I’m going to show you the present and future next. So that you can have some more understanding of what you’ve been missing out on in the present day and have an idea of what I want your future to be like.”

Discord gave her a warm smile back, tears glistening in his eyes like the sparkles on Christmas lights. He still felt some sadness, but Fluttershy’s smile was helping him to feel happier.

“You know,” he said with the same tearful smile after taking a moment to regather his thoughts. “You may have a point. I think I’m ready to keep going.” He wiped the last of his tears away.

Fluttershy nodded contently. "Okay then. I'm glad you're feeling better now."

Discord reached out for Fluttershy's hooves and held them in his hands. A bright pink light flashed around them in an instant, and the dark void around them proceeded to vanish into another snowy day.